The Jerk and I

There is a student in one of my classes who is desirous of a sound verbal beating . . . he may be entitled to physical abuse as well, but I do not yet have the legs of a true cyclists and would do little damage. Phil suggested a chair  yesterday and it’s an idea we may have to put into effect if there is no improvement.

Here’s how the exchange would go in my head:

Student: Makes some sarcastic remark that shows disrespect to the professor and his cliche ugly American sense of entitlement.

Me: (WITH THE FORCE OF A WELL READ AND VEHEMENTLY ANGRY ENGLISH MAJOR) Alright, you listen to someone else for once! Your sense of entitlement and unnecessarily rude and sarcastic remarks may be acceptable at your electrical job and may get a few chuckles from your immature freshmen posse, but you are a true public embarrassment for the rest of us.

We cringe when you begin to speak because you are an idiot.

No one with any sense of intellectual integrity would treat other people, especially those tasked with teaching you, with such a lack of respect. You’re worth in this world has yet to be determined and so far you seem to amount to nothing productive or useful. Get over yourself. The reason you feel patronized in this class is because you prove again and again that you know not nearly as much as you assume you do. Put a cork in that fundamentalist vibrato of yours and you might actually learn something.       End Speech.

What I  would probably be capable of in the moment of confrontation: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!

Sad day huh? Maybe Phil is right, we should go with a more violent route like chair bashing. Language is generally lost on deaf ears of overtly-assumed self-worth.