The President of Simpson thinks I’m a “graphic speaker”

*Author’s note: I was exhausted when I wrote this after a full day of emotion and adventure. Good times, but there are a ton of mistakes in here. Consider this fair warning.

Probably wasn’t the greatest idea, but it was senior chapel today and I’ve been at Simpson for four years now and figured I should have some wisdom to pass on. This is how it went to the best of my knowledge . . .

“Hello, my name is Emelia and I am an English major. And as an English major I have come into contact with all sorts of authors and all sorts of literature, and most were not Christian. In fact a large majority were down right pagan! It’s ok though,I work for Prof. Slane (he’s the high and mighty intellectual theo prof at Simpson) and I’m leading a missions team this summer so my salvation is pretty much secure. So, at over the course of this last year there was a point where I got to read Darwin’s The Origin of Species . As I was reading it one day a guy walked up to me and said, “Darwin?” To which I replied “Yes . . .” and before I could get another word in he interrupted me with “I HATE that book.” Naturally I had to ask him what was it in the text that made him so angry, but he answered me quickly with, “oh, I haven’t read it.”

. . .ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard and this was not a one time occurrence. Needless to say, the poor guy did not get a number . . .

But in all seriousness, this is the time where we should be reading these kinds of things. This is the beginning point where we take our pre-conceived notions about everything and BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF THEM! (p.s. this was the main part of the speech that the president of our school remembered . . . except he thought it was an actual person that was getting the snot beaten out of him– just my luck right?)

I quote this guy all the time, but that is because it is so good: E.M. Forrester says, “How do I know what I think until I see what I say?” You guys need talk to each other now, fight, disagree, wrestle, say something so that you can hear yourself saying it. Afterwards you may either think “yeah, that was right on, I’m pretty smart” or “holy crap that was the most screwed up thing I have ever heard! And I’m the one that said it!!” Trust me when I say that the people here are nicer than the people outside of Simpson. We all love Jesus, it’s a safe space (therapist voice and hand motions).

Don’t be another person adding to the stereotype of stupid Christians. God can handle your feeble attempts at understanding and questioning his truth. Trust me, He’ll be ok. His Truth will stand up no matter what you throw at it, so . . . start throwing things while you’re here.”

. . . Awkward End of Speech

Not gunna lie though, people did laugh. I’m funny every once and awhile! Apparently I’m also very “graphic” with my snot beating story –according to Dr. Mckinney (aka El Presidente) . . . I still don’t think he knows my name. It’s ok though . . . Sara had to get on an elevator with him after she ended her spiel with “keep it in your pants.” Awkward? he he he he